Living like Hemingway: A Memorable Bus Ride

Bus travel is far more common in South America than it is back in the States. Trips that we either drive or fly for in the USA, are generally done by double-decker bus. I have had several memorable moments on bus trips during our travels; needless to say when you consider we have survived several 5-10 hour rides as well as 26 and 30 hour rides that were truly hellachious. It is a 5 hour ride from Ascencion, the capital of Paraguay to a remote town called Santa Rosa.

The ride began one early October morning in Ascension; I believe we took of around 6 AM. This was a lower scale bus than the ones taken in Argentina for the longer trips. No double deck on this one. Just picture a dingy charter bus from the States. We bought our tickets, took our seats and set off. Little did I realize at this point that the people sitting in the other seats would not be our only company on this trip. Before getting far from the bus terminal I began to notice that we were making a lot of stops, much like a city bus. Anyone who has been in a large city and ridden on a city bus knows that you are lucky to get a seat and you can expect to be packed in like sardines, standing, and holding onto a metal bar for dear life. You get used to it, but I was not expecting such a situation when I embarked on this journey. There clearly was no "Max Occupancy" limit on this rig.

It took about 2 hours to get past the outer reaches of the city, and by the time we had done so the bus was jam packed with people; sitting and standing. I had taken the isle seat as usual and was thus bearing the brunt of the action as people continued to cram in. For about an hour i had to sit leaning forwards because a young man's pack back had taken residence on the headrest portion of my seat. No use complaining, "hey at least i had a seat." As more people packed in, I, sitting next to those standing, was at an unfortunate level with a lot of "mid sections" I'm pretty sure I had a guys "package" hanging out on my shoulder for a few hours. Luckly i've traveled enough and been out of the States long enough to be at the mental place capable of just "going with the flow of life" Nothing against South America, but when you are a privileged American and you leave home for a less privileged country you must drastically alter your expectations of what is an adequate situation. No doubt after a month or two back in Richmond I will go back to being spoiled, but for now, i can say i've really grown to appreciate the little things in life. Like riding on a bus without a man's balls on my shoulder. I'm not quite sure how, but after we'd been riding for about 2 1/2 hours my exhaustion got the best of me and despite the awkward position and situation i found myself in, i fell asleep.

About 45 minutes later I arose to one of the greatest sites and most hilarious moments of my life. Given the very early departure I had chosen to stick with glasses rather than contacts for the journey. When I passed out i had taken them off, and this is important to note because with naked eyes I really can't see much more than a legally blind person. As I arose I was startled, but had to find my glasses before making any assessment of the situation. While I was out cold we had a new passenger join us on the voyage. About 2 feet from me, standing/body pressed up against the seatin front of me was an elderly Paraguayan woman. In her arms appeared to be a wrapped up baby in a blanket. Well that is what I assumed prior to grabbing hold of my glasses. Once vision was restored I realized that in that very blanket was no baby, but rather a live chicken!! The chicken was very docile, and the only part exposed was a long neck and head and beak. This farm animal was staring me right in the eyes. I first thought, "Damn that sleeping aid I took is awesome! i'm high! and halucinationg! The chicken kept staring and clucking its beak. The girl sitting in the seat in front of me was either unaware of the chicken (doubt it) or used to this bus ride because we all know that when you are standing in a bus and it goes around a turn your body gets thrust around. During right turns the old woman struggled to keep her footing and would lean forwards toward the girls head. The chicken would go from 1 foot to 1 inch from this young lady. I did not know what to do from keeping laughter in, naturally I did not want to be rude. But i couldn't help myself. I woke my fiancee up in the window seat next to me with a huge smile on my face, saying a bit too loudly, "chicken!, chicken! oh my god, there's a chicken in my face" It remained funny the entire trip however after a while i realized that if one more person got on the bus this woman would get pushed back, and would thus be pointing that live chicken 1 inch from my face. I didn't trust myself to be able to handle that situation without ripping the chickens head off. I had a dilemma, What kind of cock would i rather have in my face... that of a male, or an actually cock.. chicken. both seemed like lousy options but I decided the live chicken was the better of the too, unfortunately the human one stayed pressed up against my shoulder for another hour until the journey came to an end as we pulled into Santa Rosa. All in all, i'm glad it happened... its a traveling moment that I will never forget. After getting to Santa Rosa we hitched another bus, with far less riders that took us down a long clay/dirt road for miles and miles before being dropped off at what appeared to be the middle of nowhere. We then hiked 2 miles to the Laguna Blanca, or rather "white lagoon" It was a wonderful place. incredibly white sand like that found in the Bahamas, and crystal clear water to go with it. As soon as we got there I ran into the water to clean my sexually abused shoulder off, and to begin 2 days of ultimate relaxation in the most remote place I'd ever been. The night sky might have been the most incredible part. With litteraly zero light pollution we could see billions of starts, as well as Venus. Its hard to get out there, but if you ever find yourself heading to Paraguay let me know and I will help you make your way out to this little paradise in the middle of nowhere Paraguay.

Here are some pics from Laguna Blanca, Paraguay